Wednesday, September 21, 2011
For some unknown reason, I'm being very emo these days.. It sucks.. I really hate this feeling..
So unhappy n so unsatisfied with things.. When I'm at work, I don't hav such unhappiness.. It always happens when I'm thinking abt my laogong.. This really isn't very good.. Coz I am so unsatisfied with the situation and him.. For some reason, the 7 yrs together has made me demand more time n attention from him.. And the f-ing thing is tat he doesn't have the time for me.. This really sucks a lot.. I am so pissed with him sometimes.. And most of the times I kne it's jus me being over demanding.. N sometimes even being unreasonable..
But seriously, I can't help myself.. It's nt like I'm out to giv him a hard time.. I'm having a freaking hard time myself.. Can u imagine wanting to cry all the time.. Feeling tat I shd hav more time with someone who shd belong to me n me to him.. It's like we are deprived of our time.. N I dun like it.. Worst is coz of his parents, we dun get the kinda freedom that we may enjoy at my parents' place.. I really dun like this..
Argh.. By jus looking at this, I'm sure u tinking I'm being unreasonable.. I kne I sound unreasonable.. But tat is really how I feel.. I wan and need the sense of security tat I am extremely lacking nw..
It's like although he says we'll be getting married in 2013.. It's nt enuff for me.. Coz I can't see it happening when we're nt even planning yet.. There are no discussions tat are started by him regarding the topic n everytime when I bring it up for discussions, it's like he will participate for awhile n the topic is change with no conclusions or no specific directions on how the discussion topic can be continued in the future..
I kne this is all jus me.. Me being idiotic.. Me being crazy.. Me being over demanding.. Me being ungrateful of wat I hav.. But I jus can't help it.. I feel so weak.. So emo n sad.. I really dunno wat to do..
I kne I am supposed to share my problems with my life partner.. But wat happens when sharing doesn't solve the matter but sometimes make it even worst.. I love him so much tat sometimes it really hurts.. There are really times when my heart will ache coz no one, not even him, can understand the extent of my unhappiness..
How I wish crying solves matters.. My tears keep running but my heart still feels the ache and I am still as emo..
Dear Lord, please give me strength and faith that you will lead me through all this in my life. I know that you have a plan for me so please give me the strength to do as you have planned for me and to give my life to you freely.. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
blue @ 10:32 PM
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