Tuesday, September 26, 2006
wao.. i did such an exciting ting jus nw.. LOL..
dun tink wrongly.. it's jus tat i've jus enrolled my IS module.. LOL.. i said it's exciting coz there's really little vacencies left.. n we were like fighting for it in the sense of our speed of clicking the module we wan n the loading of the page.. LOL..
but at least i'm glad.. coz i got wat i wanted.. well.. nt really sumting tat i really wanted, coz they said tat language was real tough so i didnt take french.. sobx.. but it's okay.. we took green vision n safety at work.. it's a decision made by those who were online last night for the discussion.. i'm nt sure who else didnt get it.. but i tink most except mus... he couldnt get safety.. n i'm nt sure abt the rest.. coz jarrol haven decided.. n he's still enrolling... he's taking safety.. but nt sure wat he taking for the other one...
aniway.. i'm glad tat it was successful for me.. hee.. abt 3 more weeks n sch's open again.. i'm glad tat i'll be seeing my class again.. coz they're a real fun group of pple.. but the bad ting is i gotta start studying again.. can u image how tough it is for me.. after 1 year of slacking at home, i'm back to sch.. back to waking up early in the morning to go to sch.. having to do homework.. gotta study... den onli in a couple of months.. it's holiday again.. zz.. nw going back again.. muz re-adapt to sch again.. so idiotic.. LOL
zzz.. i wanna go eat le.. if nt johnny's gonna kill me if i haven eaten when he calls again later.. well, he's back in camp again.. finally came back frm indonesia training n had a week's blockleave.. damn nice.. hee
buaiz
blue @ 12:28 PM
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Thursday, September 14, 2006
results are finally gonna be out soon.. well.. soon as in on friday.. i'm nt sure wat time it'll be out.. but i tink it's 9am if i'm nt wrong..
seriously, i'm nt sure if i'm excited or not.. i wanna kne my results.. but i'm scared tat they aint gonna be good.. n i'm sure i'd be real disappointed if i didnt do well.. but i still hope i can get great results.. mayb at least an A or AD.. n no Cs.. seriously.. i jus hope tat the results will be more to the A n AD side.. but i tink it's nt easy.. it's my first sem afterall.. n i'm still trying hard to adapt to this new life of mine..
i kne u might tink i'm being boastful or 'hao lian'.. coz i wan A n AD.. but seriously.. i'm sick of lousy results.. it reminds me of my college grades n the reason y i'm nt in uni.. but sumtimes, i jus can make myself study.. i've lost interest in it since jc.. coz of my a lvl results again.. too disappointing for myself to accept it.. so wat i got B3 n B4 for my language.. actually B3 for GP is good in A lvl.. n B4 is average enuff.. but seriously.. so wat.. my main subjects suck.. damn damn bad.. so it's like shit.. no use aniway..
zzz.. i dunno wat to say..
aniway.. best of luck to all my 2N1 frenz.. hope everyone did well n got wat they expected of themselves tis sem.. looking forward to sch reopening n meeting u all again.. =)
oh.. btw.. hav anione decided on wat to take for nx sem's IS?? are we all taking different modules or gonna discuss n make a decision together so tat the gang stays together??
update me again k.. *winks
blue @ 12:43 AM
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Monday, September 11, 2006
i jus did a little bit of blog reading.. n i realised one ting.. my life aint eventful at all.. seeing tat my frenz all hav done so much tings in their life n i haven done a single piece of shit proves tat i'm wasting my life..
well.. i haven been keeping much contact wif the frenz frm college.. seems like shiyin has got her place in MOE which sadly i didnt.. pple seem to be moving on wif life quite well.. n it seems to me tat my life is as bland as plain water.. i dont see no nothing to it..
reading shiyin's blog made me realise one thing.. i'm loosing frenz like she said she is.. n the ting is i'm loosing touch wif the world.. i'm loosing myself.. life hasnt been the way it shd hav been since graduation frm college.. my social circle has been reduced a great lot.. i haven had as much frenz as i did.. i haven done as much ting as i hav done during my college days..
i kne i aint supposed to compare college life wif poly life.. but sumtimes, i jus feel tat i dont fit in well enuff to my current.. i dont hav a cca coz i felt it's weird to join onli in year 2.. i dun really hav extreme close fren coz they've all formed grps of their own n it's real hard to gain a space tat really belongs to u.. i had pple believeing in me during college.. but nw.. even i myself dont really believe in me.. i dont see the reason how others would.. if u guys kne me well enuff.. u'll kne how impt it is tat pple see me.. how my frenz see me as a person means a lot to me.. i dont seem to be able to show who i truely am..
one sem is already over.. 3 more sems to go n i'll be getting my diploma.. i dont seem to hav a plan for wat i'll be doing after graduation.. it seems as thou life's path isnt as clear as it used to be..
i'm loosing it.. i'm really loosing it.. sumtimes, i jus feel like locking myself up n crying.. there's no longer a person i can talk to face to face n share my thoughts and problems to.. i tink i'm starting to lock my feelings inside me.. tat might be the reason y i haven been blogging for long.. or even if i blog, it's short n meaningless.. unlike the past.. where i had loads to share..
wat's actually happening to me.. i dont kne.. seriously, i wonder how many pple actually read my blog.. i'm not sure if anione really reads it.. okay.. i kne alvin reads coz he tags frm time to time.. but is there anione else?? sumtimes, i really doubt so.. coz.. it actually troubles me tat no one cares abt me animore.. i kne tat no one reading my blog doesnt mean tat there's no one out there who cares for me.. but say tat i'm foolish or stupid.. i mind tat no one reads.. it makes me feel worthless sumtimes when i see tat the blog is dead frm visitors..
sumtimes i really wonder wat's the use of having me here in this world.. i dont see much use of myself to the society.. wat's my use.. can someone tell me??
when i come to tink abt it.. it seems tat my life nw goes ard johnny n johnny onli.. other than him.. nothing seems to matter.. but tat's not true.. it matters alot to me tat sch is enjoyable.. it matters to me how pple judge me.. it matters to me how others look as me as a person.. it matters to me how well i do in my studies.. alot of things matter to me.. but it's like these things doesnt need or even want my attention..
i kne i seem to onli care abt love n my relation wif johnny.. coz to me.. the onli ting i can see tat needs my attention n my commitment is to him.. i dont feel the sense of belonging to anithing/anione else.. anione as in a grp of frenz who feels tat my presense mean sumting to them n tat my disappearence matters alot.. sumtimes i really feel tat the onli pple who's gonna be worried sick when i disappear or die one day is johnny n my family.. sumtimes i will even feel tat my family doesnt care abt me n i'm nt impt to them.. i kne i'm jus being plain silly.. but i cant help it..
i guess i'm jus an attention seeker.. i like to hav the positive kinda attention on me.. i like to hav pple believing in me... believing tat i can make right decisions.. n hav the kinda trust i had on me.. i guess i'm getting self centered.. am i? i dont even kne..
whenever i think abt topics like tat.. topics abt my life.. abt me as a person in this world.. i feel like jus crying and crying and crying till i hav no more tears to cry wif.. coz i tink i'm a failure.. i jus suck at everything in life.. i feel real worthless..
it's so late nw n after tinking abt how useless i am.. i cant seem to slp animore.. i guess i'll cry again in bed aniway..
but i'm gonna stop here.. coz i'm nt gonna burden anione who reads this animore.. i doubt it'll burden anione aniway..
buaiz
blue @ 2:28 AM
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i found the lines of a movie tat i watched on scv today.. i like it alot.. here's it.. =p
when the couple got married,
Girl said to Guy:
从现在开始,你只许对我一个人好;
要宠我,不能骗我;
答应我的每一件事情,你都要做到;
对我讲的每一句话都要是真心。
不许骗我、骂我,要关心我;
别人欺负我时,你要在第一时间出来帮我;
我开心时,你要陪我开心;
我不开心时,你要哄我开心;
永远都要觉得我是最漂亮的;
梦里你也要见到我;在你心里只有我……”
at the end of the story,
Guy said to Girl:
从现在开始,我只疼你一个。
我会宠你,决不会骗你。
答应你的每一件事情,我都会做到。
对你讲的每一句话,都是真话。
不欺负你,不骂你,会相信你。
有人欺负你,我会第一时间出来帮你。
你开心的时候,我会陪着你开心;
你不开心,我也会哄得你开心。
永远觉得你最漂亮,做梦都会梦见你。
在我的心里,永远只有你一个。
i find it real sweet.. it's frm the movie 我家有只河东狮.. i like it alot.. quite funny.. but sweet also..
love is a real powerful ting..
blue @ 1:45 AM
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Sunday, September 10, 2006
it's been almost a week already.. johnny has gone to indonesia for overseas training for almost a week..
i miss him so so so badly..
aniway.. this week haven been eventful like always.. worked on tues n fri.. went shopping on fri wif xiaowei n bought myself a pair of heels.. although i like it... but it's super torturing coz it hurts my legs alot..
haiz.. another week of loneliness.. zzz
blue @ 11:40 PM
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