Wednesday, February 15, 2006
wao.. it's late already.. 2am.. hm... i shd be sleeping.. but well.. as usual.. i dont feel good.. nt in the way tat i'm sick.. well.. mayb.. i'm love sick..
i did spend several hours wif johnny on valentine's day.. frm abt 6.30pm - 9pm... to be very honest.. i seriously dont tink it's aniway enuff for me.. i shd be happy tat he's even actually able to hav night's out.. but but.. haiz..
u wanna kne sumting.. i've been crying alot tis days.. everytime i miss him.. everytime i feel alone.. everytime i realise how little time i've spent wif him tis days.. it's really tough for me nw.. really really tough.. althought he's onli left with one more year of ns.. it's really killing me already..
i sumtimes wonder how many litres of tears i've already cried for him.. mayb it's coz he made me sad or angry.. mayb it's coz i miss him too much.. but it seems to me tat i cry everyday.. mayb in the afternoon.. mayb in the evening.. mayb when i'm on the phone wif him.. mayb when i'm in bed at the end of each day...
well.. on valentine's day.. it's our 600th day anniversary.. 600 days already.. in the coming june.. well be together for 2 years already.. 2 years.. we've been thru college days together where we could see each other everyday.. we've been thru my working days where we meet up most of the time whenever we could n when i'm having off.. or even before or after work.. we've also gone thru his bmt days where he's gotta go to tekong, comes back onli on sat n has to go back on sun.. n doesnt hav night's out... n nw.. after he's been posted out, he's back in mainland n has the opportunity to hav night's out once in awhile.. books out on friday night n books in on sunday.. frm being able to meet up everyday to many times a week to every weekend onli to mayb once or twice on weekdays n every weekend... we've gone thru quite alot together during tis 600 days..
come to tink abt it.. it seems tat i'm the one who's getting more n more demanding in our relationship.. knowing tat it's not his choice whether he has or not the time for me.. he couldnt choose whether he wans to attend trainings or not.. neither could he choose when he wants to book in n out of camp.. he doesnt has the control over his own time during ns.. serving the country comes ahead of anithing else.. even before his family n frens.. his onli free time tat he has besides serving the country is during the weekends.. sundays are for church n although i might nt really understand y it's so impt to go to the church each n every week... i accept tat he has tat commitment.. i kne he spends much more time wif me than wif his own family.. n i kne it's very bad of me to hav him for myself n deprive his family the time to be wif him.. he spends most of the sat wif me frm mayb ard lunch time abt 11plus till mayb after dinner at abt 8-9pm.. i kne tat i hav alot of time wif him already.. n the onli time his family has wif him is frm the time he books out on friday night after he reaches home till the nx morning b4 he comes over to meet me.. n also after he reaches home on sat night.. they hav their family meeting each n every week.. n also the time b4 he books in on sunday evening...
seriously.. i really dunno wat i wan frm him.. he's already given all tat he can to me.. his time, his heart, his everything.. but it's jus tat i dun seem to hav enuff.. i seem to wan more frm him.. more of wat.. i dont really kne.. is it his time? i dunno.. mayb it's his time.. i wan his company.. i wan him by my side so badly.. i wanna fall asleep each night in his arms n i wanna wake up each morning with him being the first person i see..
i'm such a greedy bitch.. i'm so greedy.. i jus cant hav enuff of his time n his attention.. i'm jus a bitch.. argh..
blue @ 2:06 AM
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Monday, February 13, 2006
happy valentine's day to everyone out there.. mayb u're attached or mayb u're single.. it doesnt really matter coz valentine's day is not onli abt celebrating it wif ur boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife.. it's nt jus between couples.. it's also a day to celebrate wif ur family n frenz.. it's a day to show ur love to everyone ard u.. of coz i dont mean tat u can onli show ur love to ur loved ones onli on tis day.. but if u're sumone who doesnt express ur feelings to pple ard u.. it's a day for u to do so..
well.. i might or might not be celebrating it wif anione depending on whether johnny'll be free or not tml.. he'll hav to be having night's out for me to meet up wif him.. n it's so hard to tell if he'll be able to come out or not.. rmb my b'day.. he couldnt celebrate it wif me coz he wasnt given night's out tt day.. of coz i'd love to hav him wif me to celebrate it together.. but.. it's so hard to say... n y i wont hav anione else to celebrate it wif is coz.. well.. i dun tink my frenz will be tt free.. my parents will be going to the hospital again to visit my grandma.. n my bro will definitely be going out wif his gf..
wat to do.. haiz.. nvm..
ah.. i went to reg for np today.. well.. there's alot of pple there to do their registeration.. i'm nt so confident abt whether i'll be able to get into the course or not.. but i definitely hope so.. oh.. besides business studies.. i put mechanical engineering n information technology in the 2 other course choices.. lol.. although it's jus written for fun.. i seriously dun hope to be accepted to either of the courses.. lol.. i onli wanna be accepted into business studies.. i really wanna get in..
n seriously.. as u all kne i'm like out of the world for a long ting.. i feel real scared today.. although i had miao wif me.. but having so many strangers ard.. i feel real lost n helpless.. i feel so.. uncomfortable.. it's like i'm nt me animore.. i've always been so enthu ard pple n nw.. i'm like a lost sheep in the crowd.. it's so scary for me..
aniway.. blaeh.. lol
i wanna go slp le.. yapz.. nite nitez...
happy valentine's day.. =)
buaiz
blue @ 11:27 PM
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Sunday, February 12, 2006
as the o lvl results hav been released last fri.. it means tat it's time for me to apply for poly as well.. the application starts last fri to coming wed.. n i hav to either submit the form in person to np or to send it by post..
i've decided to go down in person tml to do the registration.. yapz.. n since i'm so unsure n unfamiliar wif the place.. i've asked miao to go wif me.. thanks ger.. =)
aniway.. zzz.. valentine's day is on tuesday.. n my dear valentine wont be ard to celebrate it wif me.. haiz.. it's so sad to nt be able to hav the one u love to be by ur side.. but like he has been saying.. everyday is valentine's day for us..
i dunno lah.. =p
ah.. we went to thomson plaza on sat to get pillows.. one for each of us.. n the ting is tat the pillow cost us $80 for both.. well, it's $49.90 for 1 and if u buy it as a package, which means 2 pillows together.. it'll cost $80 which is like $40 each.. yapz.. quite crazy rite.. but the pillow is said to be good coz it supports the neck at it's right position.. n it allows ur muscles to relax after the neck is positioned.. LOL.. well.. i tried it for a nite already.. hm.. dunno wat to say.. nt tat bad.. but.. nt tat "wao!" yet.. =p
hm.. i tink i dun wanna write already.. LOL.. coz need to prepare the documents le.. =)
buaiz
blue @ 8:00 PM
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Monday, February 06, 2006
ello.. =p
hm.. it's again the start of the week.. n i'll be going for my 10th driving lesson tml.. i've been practicing reverse parking during the pass 2 lessons.. well.. i've been getting the hang of it.. wonder wat i'll be learning tml..
oh.. last fri, we didnt hav bad practice.. we went to prof ho's place for dinner.. buffet style.. =) it wasnt a bad thing.. coz well.. i had kinda made a few more frenz.. 2 other gers frm GE.. yapz..
ah.. u kne wat.. i hear frm news tat o lvl results will be out on fri.. means.. i'll be able to apply for DAE liaoz.. finally.. i'm nw considering.. whether i shd continue my 2 years diploma if i could get into np or go to nie tis year.. i'm still seriously considering..
well.. ah.. i cant stand my nails.. LOL.. they're too long for me to type le.. i cant get used to long nails.. =p
buaiz
blue @ 10:02 PM
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
today.. i guess those working are all back to work already.. n me.. LOL.. back to waking up late n watching tv..
having driving lesson tml.. n hoping tat johnny will hav night's out tml.. yapz.. well.. i haven really had a chance to see him during tis new year holiday.. coz i had to do my visits.. n well.. he had to be a good boy n stay at home wif his family.. so the onli time we had together was last night.. well.. evening.. we went to jp to watch movie together.. it's fearless tat we watched.. actually we wanted to watch fun wif dick n jane.. but couldnt get the tickets coz almost all sold out le.. left the front..
hm.. well.. my room nw is totally neat n tidy.. LOL.. but i'm sure it'll go messy again in a few days time.. LOL..
ah.. i wanted to say tat i accepted a job offer.. well.. it's jus a camp tat i'd be taking on 7-9 feb.. a fren frm my dad's RC asked me if i was interested.. so i said sure.. it's frm 8am-5pm.. abt $40-$70 per day.. n it's wif the police coast guards.. quite cool.. but i haven been taking camps for a year already.. wonder if i still can handle strangers.. LOL..
wat u pple tink? tink i can make it.. LOL.. i'm afraid tat i'd be shy n isnt bold enuff to interact wif this pple.. but i tink i can.. i dunno.. LOL..
buaiz
blue @ 11:56 PM
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