Wednesday, October 25, 2006
seriously.. i cant wait to leave tis damned house of mine.. argh..
i kne life is precious.. but i jus cant stand it.. life sucks.. n although death is never the way to solve problems.. coz it can never solve anithing.. but i jus hate to be living here.. i hate tis life.. i hate it.. ARGH...
please KILL ME!!!
blue @ 11:04 PM
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
can some one please KILL ME!!!..
i feel real horrible.. extremely horrible.. n i really wish to be dead.. i hate being in this idiotic house.. i'm really very sick n tired..
can anione tell me y i'm born to tis family of mine?? can someone explain to me.. how can someone be so biased to their own children.. n the fcuking tis is that the other child who's being pampered more comes over n say their biased.. wat the fcuking asshole is tat..
i've always been lectured by johnny tat i should be more patient when it comes to my family n tat i shd control my temper.. but how am i supposed to be a good girl when i'm always in such a situation..
would ur parents come telling u tat u're wasting their resourses n money by showering too long n having ur computer n fan turned on most of the time.. when the other child although doesnt spend as much time in the bathroom but keeps the computer turned on most of the time or having tv/computer turned on over the night when he's actually slping in bed..
is there sumting wrong wif me??? i've already reduced my showering time from full 30min to ~15-20min.. i kne it's still quite long.. but doesnt most girls take tat amount of time to shower.. i've even known guys who shower for full 30min as well.. y aint they scolded by their parents??? how would u feel if both ur parents come telling u tat u dont kne how to shower at the age of 20.. n even when ur dad says tat ur mom shd teach u how to shower..
dont they kne how hurt i feel.. didnt they realise it's their fault frm the beginning.. mayb i wasnt even supposed to be born.. had they really had the time for me when i was young.. had they actually spent my childhood days wif me while i grow up.. NO.. NO NO NO.. they hav not.. n since their precious son had, he's definitely grown up in the way they wanted him to.. of coz he's character would be more pleasing to them coz they were the ones to nurture him..
i feel so sick n tired.. sometimes i really wanna say to those when they say "if there's a problem u cant solve, ur family will always be there for u", it's nt true to all.. family members might be there.. but do they really kne wat's best for u? or are their decisions more towards wat's best for them..
i kne my family aint tat bad at times.. but whenever times like tis arise.. it makes my world fall apart.. it makes me feel worthless.. it makes me really wanna die n leave tis world tat breaks my heart.. even thou i kne crying doesnt help a ting, but i jus cant help but let my tears fall.. i've always been super sensitive when it comes to family issues.. n i kne tat each n every family has problems of their own.. but.. i jus cant stand mine..
i jus wanna marry off n hav a family of my own.. at least i can leave my present state.. i kne i'll problems in my own family in the future.. but at least i'll make sure my relationship wif my children aint so far apart.. i'll make sure i'm close to my children n tat they're willing n able to share anithing wif me abt their lives..
i kne i shouldnt be complain abt my family.. i kne i shd thank god tat i'm born to a okay family.. but sumtimes.. i wish my life could be better.. i wish i didnt hav to cry alone all the time.. seriously, none of my family members kne ani of my problems.. n i dun tink they're even interested in kneing..
omg.. i shd stop condeming my own family.. i kne i suck.. watever...
blue @ 10:56 PM
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006
muahahahahaha...
well.. sch started again.. today is second day.. super slack.. hee.. coz it's IS.. onli had lesson for like an hour den dismissed le.. which means, i went to sch for 1 hr den can go home le.. LOL..
of coz IS isnt jus 1 hr.. it's supposed to be a 4hr thing.. but coz it's first day, the lecturer jus brief us n talk rubbish, den we're dismissed.. HEE....
the onli thing i dun like abt tis time table is tat most of the lessons end at 5pm.. onli thursday end early.. but early is also 1pm.. n lesson starts either 8am or 9am.. super early.. zzz.. i've overslpt on the first day of sch.. super power rite.. LOL.. coz too long nv wake up early le.. =p
aniway, tml got practical.. means muz wear shoe.. but i hope it's first week of sch, so we can slack.. hee.. i super hope tml is relaxing.. =p
blue @ 8:27 PM
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Saturday, October 14, 2006
zzz.. wat a day..
guess wat.. i saw jonathan leong, hady mirza, taufik batisah, sylvester sim, olinda cho, daphne khoo, jasmine Tye n paul twohill at jurong point jus nw.. they were there to kinda promote they're upcoming hype up concert 2006.. well.. there were alot of pple there n they we screaming like crazy.. so many girls.. LOL.. well.. i was kinda happy to see jonathon, hady n taufik.. coz they're kinda my sg idol.. hee.. but aniway.. they're jus strangers lah.. u kne their name but u know nothing else special tat others dont.. they're idols.. nt frenz.. so.. nothing much lah..
me n johnny was supposed to go watch the departed jus nw.. we actually bought the tickets le.. for the 2.25pm show.. since it's super early coz we reach there abt 12noon, we went for lunch n i went for manicure.. zzz.. den in the end, we didnt go for the movie.. u kne y.. coz he lost the tickets.. zzz... super sianz.. i was really really really sianz when he couldnt find it.. 16bucks gone.. i could hav went for another mani wif that 16bucks.. haiz.. oh well.. too bad lah.. zzz.. tat means tat we would hav to go for it another day le.. zz...
i had a super tiring week.. coz i couldnt slp well most of the nights.. n i didnt kne y tat happened.. i was supposed to work for the entire week.. but i didnt feel real well on friday so i didnt make it to work.. the PSI this days although are nt tat bad.. abt 50-60 average.. but it makes me sick.. me cant stand it tat much.. n i keep having headaches.. super bad headaches.. sumtimes even panadol extra doesnt work.. super sianz.. yarlor... zzz...
i feeling super sianz nw also.. one thing is coz my manicure wasnt really well done.. i'm nt tat happy abt it.. the other thing is coz 16bucks lost coz the tickets were gone.. the last ting is coz he's gone home n is nt by my side.. zzz.. i really feel super sianz..
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...................
blue @ 4:13 PM
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Sunday, October 08, 2006
zzz.. one more week.. one more week n school's gonna start again.. which means a new sem wif 7 new modules.. zzz.. in other words.. it's gonna be studying time, exam time, project time n more...
well, i'm nt sure if i shd be happy or not.. but one ting i'm glad abt is that i'll finally gonna be meeting my frenz again.. =p
the old 2N1 becomes 2B1.. i tink tat's the new class name.. hee.. coz i kinda forgot.. =p
btw, i'll still be working nx week.. yar.. earning a little more b4 sch starts.. althought nt alot.. but at least i'll be able to hav a little extra cash.. hee.. oh.. btw, did anione else receive a $50 frm ngee ann? can anione tell me wat it's for? y did i get 50 bucks n i dont kne the reason... LOL.. aniway.. i like it.. hee.. coz 50 bucks means i can invite my darling for a yummy dinner at fish n co. =p
aniway.. johnny's gonna get his citizenship soon.. coz he's going to SIR building to get it settled on tues.. i hope he get's his off to get it done..
ah.. btw, today is one of his brother's bday.. n i kne tat brother too.. hee.. he was frm jj too.. i went to his b'day party last nite wif him n i meet a number of his brothers.. hee.. i find them very entertaining.. although we didnt really talk much coz we dont really kne each other.. but i tink their fun pple.. but also crazy.. haha.. aniway, happy 21st birthday vincent.. LOL.. although i kne u dun read my blog.. haha..
take care everyone.. i tink i too lazy to write for today le..
buaiz
blue @ 8:21 PM
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Wednesday, October 04, 2006
i haven blogged for a real long time.. hm.. well... nt tat long actually.. LOL..
aniway.. some updates abt tings tat happened.. as usual, i worked.. the onli "big" event tat happened was tat i was scolded at work by a bitch for nothing.. n i was so pissed off coz she's jus mad n a huge bitch tat i requested a transfer of location.. yapz..
the other "big" ting tat happened, happened today.. it's a little bigger than the "big" event.. well.. it's sumting to do wif johnny.. n johnny's MUM.. omg.. okay.. let me tell u abt it..
tis afternoon when i was at work.. johnny called me.. as usual, i thought he called coz he was free n tat he missed me n wanted to hear my voice.. yapz... tat part was true.. until i asked abt the happenings of his day den he told me tat his mum called him.. at first, i was like "okay.. mum called to ask how's his precious son doing in camp.." but i was wrong.. johnny said his mum called coz she found a ladies jeans in his room.. and she was angry n was asking who it belonged to.. n y it's in the house.. when i heard tat.. i was shocked.. jeans?? in his room?? i couldnt hav left mine there.. coz it's real impossible.. how could it happen.. no way.. den he said he tinks it's mine.. coz he kinda rmb seeing it there n it didnt ring a bell to him tat it's mine..
seriously.. i couldnt believe it n i really wondered how it got there.. how could my jeans end up in his place.. how sure is he tat the jeans belonged to me.. den we started discussing how my jeans got there.. coz we assumed it's mine.. but we dismissed all our suspects.. coz he insisted tat he didnt bring it home coz he'd hav known if he did.. den i couldnt be the one coz if i've worn tat jeans to his place, i'd have worn it back..
LOL.. dont u tink it's funny.. i thought it's real funny..
but after i've reached home n settled down, i started looking at the calender n thought abt wat happened during the past weeks... i came to a conclusion of my own tat he's the one who brought my jeans home by accident n didnt even realise it.. well, tis is how i can abt wif the conclusion.. he came back frm indonesia on 15/09 (fri), we didnt go out on sat.. i went to his place after his church session on sun n we went shopping, i wore skirt tat day.. therefore, i couldnt hav left the jeans there tat sunday.. after the shopping, we both came to my place n he stayed over tat night.. monday, we stayed at home n he went back tat night.. i dont rmb wat we did on tues.. but i met up wif him onli during the late afternoon coz he stayed home for lunch.. he stayed at my place again frm tues.. wed, we went to discovery centre, n i'm sure i wore tat jeans.. so means i still had it wif me till wed.. i couldnt really rmb which day he went home, either fri or sat.. but i'm sure he wasnt wif me on sat night.. den sunday, we went to celebrate homan's bday n i didnt wear jeans.. i wore skirt again.. so i couldnt be the one who brought the jeans to his place when i haven even been to his house tat day as i meet up wif the rest first.. after the outing, he came n stayed at my place on sunday night.. he went home on monday evening n booked it after tat.. when i had to go to work on thursday, i realised tat i couldnt find my jeans.. therefore.. i'm quite sure it's him who brought it home..
LOL.. wat a super long explanation.. i'm sure u're bored by it.. LOL..
well.. after my shower n after thinking more abt it when i got home jus nw.. i'm worried.. coz wat's gonna happen?? my jeans is in his place.. he's mum has found it n she's nt happy abt it.. i'm real worried n scared.. coz wat's gonna happen if she insists on knowing who it belongs to.. wat happens it she wants to see me.. i'dont tink it's a nice way to meet his parents/family.. omg.. wat if she doesnt like me n dont wan his son to be wif me animore? wat's gonna happen to me n johnny? HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!
argh.. i dunno wat to do.. haiz.. zzz
blue @ 12:28 AM
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